So horny...

It's official! All the females i know,and love,are so randy:-)
Funny how dick is so important. I need one soon...would do it kesho* during my date,if only i liked him a bit more. Maybe it has something to do with his UNCIRCUMCISED PENIS!! So wierd,too wierd. Someone's definitely not getting head from me.
Anyway,at least my girl(Bubbly) is takin me.
Need-to get laid-soon!!8-)

kesho*-tomorrow

So...i was in naivasha with the girls this weekend:-) I had fun. A bit too much actually, had sex with the randomest of guys. My 1st one night stand...(a bit of an under achievement,im almost 22)
I wasnt going to do it,hell...i wasnt even paying any attention to the guy and wasnt even the least bit attractive!(only part i regret)
We head to the rooms.We r all drunk as fuck! My girl and i light a joint. I do not even recall if ONS#1 smoked up,that is how irrelevant he was.
The whole time im thinking about my ex. God...i hate him so much sometimes. He's back in my life now but im not sure i want him there anymore. REASON:i still feel him and i really don't want2 involve my heart in/with anything,especially not him!!
Anyway,we're done with the jay and my girl heads to her room.Now it's just me,him...my other girl is blacked out on the other bed. I don't really recall how it all began. I know i wanted to see if i can forget him for just a night,if another dick is the solution.
Sadly,it's not. Nothing changed. Im still thinking about him.
I did learn one thing tho...SEX CAN JUST BE SEX!
Don't get me wrong,im dont want to be with him(in a relationship,that is)but i want him.
I didnt mind the sex though...at least my cunt is happy:-)
Fun times with the girls!

Nobody's perfect

He texted yesterday,but id deleted his numbers. So yeah,i replied...'sorry,but who might this be?' Took me about 3minutes to figure out that was his telcom number,so i texted him back sayin hi and explaining that id erased his numbers.
Ofcourse,to make the whole process easier,well...that and the sad fact that sometimes i'd drunk-dial him:-|
So after exchanging texts all evening(during the day my cell battery was empty coz id been downloading porn and electricity was being rationed),he decided that he'd give up talking to me because he doesnt want to be the one upsetting me all the time. His actual words were "i know u DETEST me and if u don't want to text me,then i guess i just have to leave u alone and deal with it.But i don't want to lose u."

I wont even lie to myself. Iv never been happier in my life than when we were together. Having that someone that u can tell everything,do the most stupid shit together...he was my best friend!!
He called me for an hour,and in that hour i realized i do not want him out of my life.He said something to me that i will never forget...and everyone deserves a second chance.
I know my girls wont be happy but no one knows what goes on between two people but them. I dont need to explain myself to anyone. Im just following my instincts. If they r my real friends,then they'll be happy for me.
!!!!!!!!!-Wait-!!!!!!!!!
We aren't back together. I still have all these demons i need to cast out. Im still mad. He was trying to move on but how he did it hurt,and i need time to deal wit that.
I know now that we are on the same page,that he was trying to fill my space with these women,that he's not entirely happy (just like me). What we share is special...
Im not ready to get back with him,but i know he is important to me,and im glad to have him back:-)

Meeting with my kryptonite

So monday... i finish wit my hair n go visit my girls at school. Cant wait,been craving some weed like crazy. As i walked down i hoped that he'd gone home n i wouldn't see him. I was so mad at him(the ex),had even convinced myself that i hated him(forgeting that id tried to so many times before).
As i approached the gate i noticed a familiar vehicle. Shit balls!! It's him!
I decide i wont say wasup(immature,i know) so i try open the gate but it's locked. I call my girl n ask her where the gate-lady is. He gets out of the car,knocks the gate then heads towards me. My heart starts beating...faster as he approaches. He leans forward n hugs me. "how r u?" "im gud" i manage to say. All the while im boiling inside... So angry!!
He asks why i look mad...i lie. "just tired,that's all". He tries to chat me up. Then i cant stand it. I explode...!! "WHY WOULD U MAKE OUT WITH THE FOUR EYED GIRL!!" "What?!" "U HEARD ME,WHY,INFRONT OF EVERYONE?? R U SERIOUS!!?"
The gate is opened,he asks me to meet him outside we talk. I enter my girl's house,say hi,light a cigarette n walk out. Im angry! I have to get it off my chest or else shit wont really be fine wit me. I go downstairs,he comes outside...
We end up having a lengthy discussion.
I find out a couple of things.
1.He's done two women...i tried n i couldnt(does that mean anythn other than i still got it bad)
2.He's not over me.(i told him i cant be friends wit him,that he shouldnt text me over the holidays,he wanted to die(evil grin))
3.HE THINKS ABOUT ME...A LOT!!(only i know how much it took for him to say that.)
4.He hasnt moved on but he's trying to...(that's why he's with these women...don't quite understand this part)
5.He still hasnt figured out this thing he's been trying to. He's put it off for now(he still cant tell me abt it,it involves me but it's not about me,its about him????)
I hate how he doesnt say much,how he'd rather keep his problems to himself. I tell him that's why it's so hard to figure him out. I need him to open up.
He say's he'll text me,and he'll try to open up. He said i should 'please' reply coz it's the only way we can fix things...
6.He loves me...still(Yeah,he said it again but that has never been the problem. I still feel it from both of us)
Nway,i tell him to be careful wit these women...i wouldnt want anything bad to happen to him.
I still love him.

Erase and rewind

It was a good day but im not excited about it anymore. Was in the bar for a little while,had a few beers.
He was there,my ex smoochez(whose name i now change to HurtPain!!) I TRIED to avoid him but he was in my way when i was gettin a drink...awkward hug...
I stole a few glances,saw him talking to that girl with the four eyes. Almost like how he used to talk 2 me:-(
Just this tuesday he told me he still loves me n it sucks how i dont talk to him anymore. How now!! After pulling such stupid stunts!!(vibe abt him screwing around)

So...why im upset.
My sis tells me-when we get home- they were making out like crazy in the bar. My bar,wea im always at!! How fucking embarassin is that shit! WTF!!
Funny thing is,she's a major slut! The kind that sleeps with 80yr old white men for money! Yeah,true story! I think i'd even told him this vibe when we were together!!
Honestly,im so shocked! Im uneasy! Im not ok! Im majorly confused!
Why is he being this way?! Its like i fell in love with someone completely different!! That would explain why i never quite completely figured him out...right,coz i do not understand what's goin on wit him.
I keep being told that he's acting up coz of me...that it's his way of dealing wit this shit. REALLY PEOPLE!!?
Why am i still fucked up over this man,i hate myself. I just want2 hate him,block out the entire relationship. Selective amnesia!!!!

U know how u feel pain in ur heart when its broken,im back there again. This shit hurts! FUCK!!
Saddest part,i saw the four eyed girl heading to his house when i was leaving. Ouch. There's only so much i can take:'(:'(:'(

Caught in the act;-)

It was saturday. Had a wedding thing to attend. We eat,drink a bit,chill. Drinks are over,wedding thing is over. To my shock,thez no alcohol! Uncle decided he doesnt want2 show the in laws our drunken side. Really!!?
Im disappointed. I cant let down my girls,i invited them.
There's a plan. We are going out!! Really wantd2 dance:-)
We get wasted,mad fun. It so pays to be a girl:-)
Arms(guy i was to do a month ago but i turnd down last minute-twice,i love his arms)as i learn later is back wit his ex. Fuck! He was my ticket out of my vaginal misery. I seriously need2 get dicked!! Time 4 plan B.

Buddy(new close friend n Arm's boy) introduces me 2 some sexy, wierd, mafia looking asian-kenyan dude. Im happy!
We dance,n dance. He's nasty. Perfect! N for the 1st time a guy's chest hair turns me on. Im excited. Too excited. I leave wit my girls. Change of scenery,plus we need drinks. Our banks r in the next bar;-)
Drink,drink,drink...we go back. The guy is there,he's playn pool. Good. He can wait. Having too much fun wit the girls! Someone grabs me from behind. It's him. We dance,he's whispering the right shit into my ear...he's smooth! Im so randy!!
I leave my drink, we 'take a walk'. Next thing we r making out on someone's car. I see Buddy leaving. Really wanted2 say goodnight but im busy.
I can tell he's been around. Guy knows his tricks...and im randy as fuck! He's in my clothes,in my bra,in my jeans...:-) im so wet!!
We r in his car,right outside the premises. I ask him if he's ready. He is.
His dick is in my hand. Its been a while. Can't contain my excitement. It's in my mouth! It's beautiful. It's clean. My mouth is happy. His fingers...pre-occupied;-)
I want him so bad! I hope he doesn't pull out a condom. I'd be in trouble...!

THEN

I notice a car behind his. Its a security car. I tell him. As he's tryn2 put his pants back on,a flash of light. Its the cops.
They ask us2 open the back door. They're 2. They tell us to drive to the police station. Wierd,they have guns...and they were in a security vehicle...?

Wow! Im going2 jail for giving head. What are the odds! I start2 panic,but just until they mention money. I can relax,the dude is handling it.
The whole time we're stealing glance. He's lickin his lips at me,biting them. He's such a stud. FUCK! The negotiating takes a while. Bloody corrupt police!
I leave before he asks for my number...rather before i find myself asking for his:-)

Fuck him n fuck me:-)

I seriously need2 get dicked!! Even if its just once b4 my finals,to blow off the steam.
Its been a while now. Too scared2 count exactly hw long it's been.
I'v got it bad 4 DICK right now!
I sadly can't think about anything else.
Sex used to play a huge part in my lifestyle,now its just coffee n cigarettes,weed...u know,the little pleasures that mother nature has 2 offer.

I want smthn fleshy. Smthn hard. Smthn warm,with veins pulsating through its rigid frame!!

I want 2 moan,groan. Scream,even giggle. I want2 squirm n wriggle. I want2 b fuckd so hard til i hear my toes crackin from all the curling!

Mostly,i wantd2 be fuckd so hard until i forget HIM.

So,to the guy that runs this shit...can i get dicked soon!!? Thank u.

Bound,re-bound.

Second day of the week. Im just tired.

My sister got her tongue ring. Im excited for her. I envy her. It's so freaky! Will stick2 tattoos though,they r darker...mysterious. Hope im not tempted though.

Again,im tired:-( Did a shit load of school work,but im glad most of it is out of my way.

I saw him 2day,he looks happy. As long as he's happy,right. I am,but not so much when im alone. He better have such side-effects!
But it all confuses me. He's so different with other people . Wierdly,i get jealous at times.
I miss what we used 2 have. Despite the crazy arguing n shit, we were so happy! I was totally comfortable. A mistake that will NEVER be repeated.

He says he cant treat me the same as his friends or exs. Im different,im special. He means different good but he's so under my skin i almost always convince myself it's bad.

Im still bound2 this guy. Im tryin hard 2 get unstuck!! Hard! Im in a maze,lost...can't find an exit. Fucking time! Ur not healing shit for me!

Definitely time 4 a rebound but i dont feel it's time for one. Am i ready? Now that it's over over,will i chicken out like last time?
I have a goal. I have to forget. I need to! So i have to b ready. I have to make it out of this one.

I'll be ok.

Retro....pt 2,last kiss

Im home. Happy i didnt get rained on,happier that its raining...finally.

I was so drunk yesterday!! Hw drunk? Well,i woke up, lights on,door open and i was in bed naked. That drunk.Relax,i was alone. I fucking fell,twice! I know,quite embarrasing ...right?But i had crazy fun.Thanx girls,ur so awesome!!

And now to continue with the story.....i was with my girl right,were chilling,smokin up,crackin:-)Im thinkin about him. I really didnt want2 talk2 Smooch(the ex) when i was high,but fuck it. Shit has2 start changing btwn us. He's my kryptonite but Clark Kent pulls through,every time. I just have to toughen up!
So we finish the joint n i walk out. Im heading to his room,my heart is POUNDING. I knock n pray that i dont find him wit any of his random girlfriends...there's just no need for an awkward moment. Im there. I pause,i think about what im goin2 say 1 more time. Just when im abt2 knock,the door opens. His boy is leaving,i peep. He's alone. Good.
I dont close the door,just in case i change my mind.I say hi.He reciprocates. The hard part follows. I tell him i cant wait any longer.I dont mention that i truly just want2 be alone."If thats how u feel,then i cant do anything about it". Really,he thinks he can beat me at my own game? Im almost sure we r on the same page...he is happier where he is too.
It all ends wit a kiss. So deep. Id missed that. We stare,kiss on the forehead. I depart. Im sad. Im surprised im that sad. I wont cry. Im happy. Im not alone. I hide the pain. We light a joint.We have fun.
Fuck love.

Retro

So,il begin wit sunday...went for church-which im always forced to go for by mother:-@-sermon was quite interesting considering i never listen.But i like this particular preacher guy.
When it was over we had holy communion. I went for these classes wen i was younger n all i understand frm this is its symbolic of His body n blood. The whole time all i think abt is shot! shot! shot!:-D But i do it anyway to put a smile on mum's face. Most interesting part of the whole process,my dad is infront of me on the queue right...n b4 he takes his 'shot' of holy wine,he tells me utalewa* which totally puts a smile on my face:-)
I get home,call my girl n tell her im coming ova. This excites me coz out of all of them,i believe we r the most alike...that n the fact that i needed to get high n smoke out these thoughts of him(the ex). I totally hate how he is always on my mind...the whole thing is so fuckin bitter sweet! Im so not impressed;-(
So i fika* n im so happy its just her n me. I gets a bit crowded sometimes...wen u hav so many girls.
......to be continued.....

Utalewa*-u will get drunk
fika*-arrive

Uneventful

So...today was quite uneventful. Did not fulfil any of my cravings,which were smoking up n gettin laid. But anyway...the thing abt sex is 'dont go looking for it and it will find u'.
>Today<...i woke up,washd my face and went straight to the den downstairs. I put Milk n startd watchn...this was around 8.30. Milk is such a cool movie,i love gay men,women too but i think gay guys r way cooler. If any1 wants to introduce me 2 any cool gay friends...halla!:-)
So after the movie i got a bit randy coz of all the sex that was goin on,yeah...u guessed it right,i masturbated;-). It felt soooo fuckin good coz i hadnt done it in a while(2 weeks) so i did it again.
And that was the climax(pun so intended)!!
Then i watched step brothers. Shit was so funny i had my hands on my ribs the whole time.
I textd my ex(Smooch). He is supposed to tell me if he wants us to get back together. Frankly,i really kinda dont want to. Being single all this time has made me see things in a different light. I need my girls now,b4 i neva had any. Im scared though,he may want 2 get back together n i wont b able to say no. Help!