Nobody's perfect

He texted yesterday,but id deleted his numbers. So yeah,i replied...'sorry,but who might this be?' Took me about 3minutes to figure out that was his telcom number,so i texted him back sayin hi and explaining that id erased his numbers.
Ofcourse,to make the whole process easier,well...that and the sad fact that sometimes i'd drunk-dial him:-|
So after exchanging texts all evening(during the day my cell battery was empty coz id been downloading porn and electricity was being rationed),he decided that he'd give up talking to me because he doesnt want to be the one upsetting me all the time. His actual words were "i know u DETEST me and if u don't want to text me,then i guess i just have to leave u alone and deal with it.But i don't want to lose u."

I wont even lie to myself. Iv never been happier in my life than when we were together. Having that someone that u can tell everything,do the most stupid shit together...he was my best friend!!
He called me for an hour,and in that hour i realized i do not want him out of my life.He said something to me that i will never forget...and everyone deserves a second chance.
I know my girls wont be happy but no one knows what goes on between two people but them. I dont need to explain myself to anyone. Im just following my instincts. If they r my real friends,then they'll be happy for me.
!!!!!!!!!-Wait-!!!!!!!!!
We aren't back together. I still have all these demons i need to cast out. Im still mad. He was trying to move on but how he did it hurt,and i need time to deal wit that.
I know now that we are on the same page,that he was trying to fill my space with these women,that he's not entirely happy (just like me). What we share is special...
Im not ready to get back with him,but i know he is important to me,and im glad to have him back:-)

Meeting with my kryptonite

So monday... i finish wit my hair n go visit my girls at school. Cant wait,been craving some weed like crazy. As i walked down i hoped that he'd gone home n i wouldn't see him. I was so mad at him(the ex),had even convinced myself that i hated him(forgeting that id tried to so many times before).
As i approached the gate i noticed a familiar vehicle. Shit balls!! It's him!
I decide i wont say wasup(immature,i know) so i try open the gate but it's locked. I call my girl n ask her where the gate-lady is. He gets out of the car,knocks the gate then heads towards me. My heart starts beating...faster as he approaches. He leans forward n hugs me. "how r u?" "im gud" i manage to say. All the while im boiling inside... So angry!!
He asks why i look mad...i lie. "just tired,that's all". He tries to chat me up. Then i cant stand it. I explode...!! "WHY WOULD U MAKE OUT WITH THE FOUR EYED GIRL!!" "What?!" "U HEARD ME,WHY,INFRONT OF EVERYONE?? R U SERIOUS!!?"
The gate is opened,he asks me to meet him outside we talk. I enter my girl's house,say hi,light a cigarette n walk out. Im angry! I have to get it off my chest or else shit wont really be fine wit me. I go downstairs,he comes outside...
We end up having a lengthy discussion.
I find out a couple of things.
1.He's done two women...i tried n i couldnt(does that mean anythn other than i still got it bad)
2.He's not over me.(i told him i cant be friends wit him,that he shouldnt text me over the holidays,he wanted to die(evil grin))
3.HE THINKS ABOUT ME...A LOT!!(only i know how much it took for him to say that.)
4.He hasnt moved on but he's trying to...(that's why he's with these women...don't quite understand this part)
5.He still hasnt figured out this thing he's been trying to. He's put it off for now(he still cant tell me abt it,it involves me but it's not about me,its about him????)
I hate how he doesnt say much,how he'd rather keep his problems to himself. I tell him that's why it's so hard to figure him out. I need him to open up.
He say's he'll text me,and he'll try to open up. He said i should 'please' reply coz it's the only way we can fix things...
6.He loves me...still(Yeah,he said it again but that has never been the problem. I still feel it from both of us)
Nway,i tell him to be careful wit these women...i wouldnt want anything bad to happen to him.
I still love him.

Erase and rewind

It was a good day but im not excited about it anymore. Was in the bar for a little while,had a few beers.
He was there,my ex smoochez(whose name i now change to HurtPain!!) I TRIED to avoid him but he was in my way when i was gettin a drink...awkward hug...
I stole a few glances,saw him talking to that girl with the four eyes. Almost like how he used to talk 2 me:-(
Just this tuesday he told me he still loves me n it sucks how i dont talk to him anymore. How now!! After pulling such stupid stunts!!(vibe abt him screwing around)

So...why im upset.
My sis tells me-when we get home- they were making out like crazy in the bar. My bar,wea im always at!! How fucking embarassin is that shit! WTF!!
Funny thing is,she's a major slut! The kind that sleeps with 80yr old white men for money! Yeah,true story! I think i'd even told him this vibe when we were together!!
Honestly,im so shocked! Im uneasy! Im not ok! Im majorly confused!
Why is he being this way?! Its like i fell in love with someone completely different!! That would explain why i never quite completely figured him out...right,coz i do not understand what's goin on wit him.
I keep being told that he's acting up coz of me...that it's his way of dealing wit this shit. REALLY PEOPLE!!?
Why am i still fucked up over this man,i hate myself. I just want2 hate him,block out the entire relationship. Selective amnesia!!!!

U know how u feel pain in ur heart when its broken,im back there again. This shit hurts! FUCK!!
Saddest part,i saw the four eyed girl heading to his house when i was leaving. Ouch. There's only so much i can take:'(:'(:'(

Caught in the act;-)

It was saturday. Had a wedding thing to attend. We eat,drink a bit,chill. Drinks are over,wedding thing is over. To my shock,thez no alcohol! Uncle decided he doesnt want2 show the in laws our drunken side. Really!!?
Im disappointed. I cant let down my girls,i invited them.
There's a plan. We are going out!! Really wantd2 dance:-)
We get wasted,mad fun. It so pays to be a girl:-)
Arms(guy i was to do a month ago but i turnd down last minute-twice,i love his arms)as i learn later is back wit his ex. Fuck! He was my ticket out of my vaginal misery. I seriously need2 get dicked!! Time 4 plan B.

Buddy(new close friend n Arm's boy) introduces me 2 some sexy, wierd, mafia looking asian-kenyan dude. Im happy!
We dance,n dance. He's nasty. Perfect! N for the 1st time a guy's chest hair turns me on. Im excited. Too excited. I leave wit my girls. Change of scenery,plus we need drinks. Our banks r in the next bar;-)
Drink,drink,drink...we go back. The guy is there,he's playn pool. Good. He can wait. Having too much fun wit the girls! Someone grabs me from behind. It's him. We dance,he's whispering the right shit into my ear...he's smooth! Im so randy!!
I leave my drink, we 'take a walk'. Next thing we r making out on someone's car. I see Buddy leaving. Really wanted2 say goodnight but im busy.
I can tell he's been around. Guy knows his tricks...and im randy as fuck! He's in my clothes,in my bra,in my jeans...:-) im so wet!!
We r in his car,right outside the premises. I ask him if he's ready. He is.
His dick is in my hand. Its been a while. Can't contain my excitement. It's in my mouth! It's beautiful. It's clean. My mouth is happy. His fingers...pre-occupied;-)
I want him so bad! I hope he doesn't pull out a condom. I'd be in trouble...!

THEN

I notice a car behind his. Its a security car. I tell him. As he's tryn2 put his pants back on,a flash of light. Its the cops.
They ask us2 open the back door. They're 2. They tell us to drive to the police station. Wierd,they have guns...and they were in a security vehicle...?

Wow! Im going2 jail for giving head. What are the odds! I start2 panic,but just until they mention money. I can relax,the dude is handling it.
The whole time we're stealing glance. He's lickin his lips at me,biting them. He's such a stud. FUCK! The negotiating takes a while. Bloody corrupt police!
I leave before he asks for my number...rather before i find myself asking for his:-)