Fuck him n fuck me:-)

I seriously need2 get dicked!! Even if its just once b4 my finals,to blow off the steam.
Its been a while now. Too scared2 count exactly hw long it's been.
I'v got it bad 4 DICK right now!
I sadly can't think about anything else.
Sex used to play a huge part in my lifestyle,now its just coffee n cigarettes,weed...u know,the little pleasures that mother nature has 2 offer.

I want smthn fleshy. Smthn hard. Smthn warm,with veins pulsating through its rigid frame!!

I want 2 moan,groan. Scream,even giggle. I want2 squirm n wriggle. I want2 b fuckd so hard til i hear my toes crackin from all the curling!

Mostly,i wantd2 be fuckd so hard until i forget HIM.

So,to the guy that runs this shit...can i get dicked soon!!? Thank u.

Bound,re-bound.

Second day of the week. Im just tired.

My sister got her tongue ring. Im excited for her. I envy her. It's so freaky! Will stick2 tattoos though,they r darker...mysterious. Hope im not tempted though.

Again,im tired:-( Did a shit load of school work,but im glad most of it is out of my way.

I saw him 2day,he looks happy. As long as he's happy,right. I am,but not so much when im alone. He better have such side-effects!
But it all confuses me. He's so different with other people . Wierdly,i get jealous at times.
I miss what we used 2 have. Despite the crazy arguing n shit, we were so happy! I was totally comfortable. A mistake that will NEVER be repeated.

He says he cant treat me the same as his friends or exs. Im different,im special. He means different good but he's so under my skin i almost always convince myself it's bad.

Im still bound2 this guy. Im tryin hard 2 get unstuck!! Hard! Im in a maze,lost...can't find an exit. Fucking time! Ur not healing shit for me!

Definitely time 4 a rebound but i dont feel it's time for one. Am i ready? Now that it's over over,will i chicken out like last time?
I have a goal. I have to forget. I need to! So i have to b ready. I have to make it out of this one.

I'll be ok.

Retro....pt 2,last kiss

Im home. Happy i didnt get rained on,happier that its raining...finally.

I was so drunk yesterday!! Hw drunk? Well,i woke up, lights on,door open and i was in bed naked. That drunk.Relax,i was alone. I fucking fell,twice! I know,quite embarrasing ...right?But i had crazy fun.Thanx girls,ur so awesome!!

And now to continue with the story.....i was with my girl right,were chilling,smokin up,crackin:-)Im thinkin about him. I really didnt want2 talk2 Smooch(the ex) when i was high,but fuck it. Shit has2 start changing btwn us. He's my kryptonite but Clark Kent pulls through,every time. I just have to toughen up!
So we finish the joint n i walk out. Im heading to his room,my heart is POUNDING. I knock n pray that i dont find him wit any of his random girlfriends...there's just no need for an awkward moment. Im there. I pause,i think about what im goin2 say 1 more time. Just when im abt2 knock,the door opens. His boy is leaving,i peep. He's alone. Good.
I dont close the door,just in case i change my mind.I say hi.He reciprocates. The hard part follows. I tell him i cant wait any longer.I dont mention that i truly just want2 be alone."If thats how u feel,then i cant do anything about it". Really,he thinks he can beat me at my own game? Im almost sure we r on the same page...he is happier where he is too.
It all ends wit a kiss. So deep. Id missed that. We stare,kiss on the forehead. I depart. Im sad. Im surprised im that sad. I wont cry. Im happy. Im not alone. I hide the pain. We light a joint.We have fun.
Fuck love.

Retro

So,il begin wit sunday...went for church-which im always forced to go for by mother:-@-sermon was quite interesting considering i never listen.But i like this particular preacher guy.
When it was over we had holy communion. I went for these classes wen i was younger n all i understand frm this is its symbolic of His body n blood. The whole time all i think abt is shot! shot! shot!:-D But i do it anyway to put a smile on mum's face. Most interesting part of the whole process,my dad is infront of me on the queue right...n b4 he takes his 'shot' of holy wine,he tells me utalewa* which totally puts a smile on my face:-)
I get home,call my girl n tell her im coming ova. This excites me coz out of all of them,i believe we r the most alike...that n the fact that i needed to get high n smoke out these thoughts of him(the ex). I totally hate how he is always on my mind...the whole thing is so fuckin bitter sweet! Im so not impressed;-(
So i fika* n im so happy its just her n me. I gets a bit crowded sometimes...wen u hav so many girls.
......to be continued.....

Utalewa*-u will get drunk
fika*-arrive

Uneventful

So...today was quite uneventful. Did not fulfil any of my cravings,which were smoking up n gettin laid. But anyway...the thing abt sex is 'dont go looking for it and it will find u'.
>Today<...i woke up,washd my face and went straight to the den downstairs. I put Milk n startd watchn...this was around 8.30. Milk is such a cool movie,i love gay men,women too but i think gay guys r way cooler. If any1 wants to introduce me 2 any cool gay friends...halla!:-)
So after the movie i got a bit randy coz of all the sex that was goin on,yeah...u guessed it right,i masturbated;-). It felt soooo fuckin good coz i hadnt done it in a while(2 weeks) so i did it again.
And that was the climax(pun so intended)!!
Then i watched step brothers. Shit was so funny i had my hands on my ribs the whole time.
I textd my ex(Smooch). He is supposed to tell me if he wants us to get back together. Frankly,i really kinda dont want to. Being single all this time has made me see things in a different light. I need my girls now,b4 i neva had any. Im scared though,he may want 2 get back together n i wont b able to say no. Help!